And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
