college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
