Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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