today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I am one with the molecules
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
