I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Randomize
