working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
