Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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