So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
