I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
