So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize