So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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