My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
