she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
