my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
