I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
