I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
