Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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