Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
