I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
