I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
