I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
