So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I need to align my fucking chakras
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
