Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
