I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
