Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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