yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
