Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
