this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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