We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
