New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
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