Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize