She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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