Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
