I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
