dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I need to stop coming to work sober
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize