i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
