tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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