So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
