the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
