All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
