I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
