break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize