the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My dad just said "fuck circus"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
