I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
