I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
