he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
