I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
did you just send me my own nude
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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