HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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