I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize