I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
