oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
