We need to rekindle our bromance
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
