Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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