There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
