Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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