does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
