Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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