i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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