I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
did i walk over a car last night?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
