i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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