ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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