I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
