I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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