Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
